Being stuck in bed, alone all day, sick
Feeling productive when I make it from my bed to the couch.
Sleeping next to the toilet because throwing up is exhausting
Being stuck in the hospital for days getting rehydrated
The truth is, I wanted lots of kids. Before we got married, I told Sean I wanted 6 kids. When we got married, we compromised on 4 kids. Once I got pregnant, however, it quickly went to 2 kids.
The idea of getting pregnant again scares the crap out of me. I can't convince myself that it would ever be a good idea. Mentally, emotionally, and physically- I can't go through another pregnancy.
Thankfully, I've done a lot of praying and I feel like the Lord knows I'm done and that there are no more spirits waiting in heaven to come down to our family.
So while part of me is sad when I see my cute pregnant friends-I have to remember what part of me is sad. It's the part that mourns for a normal pregnancy. The part that mourns for the baby boy (King Jeffrey) that I'll never have.
But, just when I start to feel too sad, Rose starts teething again. Then I remember that this is the last time I have to go through this crap! So while I'm up with my toddler with her 102 degree fevers, non eating, and constantly crying...I remember that I'm glad I'm done.
2 comments:
This makes sense. I can totally get why it's sad for you but also kind of a relief. Even though you may be done having your own kids, you can hold and cuddle my little guy when he arrives as much as you'd like. :)
I am done too. Except I was done at two but a third made its way into our family. I love my kids but I can't do it anymore. This third kid killed me.;)
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